I think a panic attack may be coming on. What a better way than to just write. (Skip the following paragraph, it's assembly of anguish.)
I'm afraid I'm not going to survive this transition into full adulthood. I'm afraid of people catching me in a lie. I'm afraid of people thinking I'm awkward. I'm afraid I don't have good social skills. I'm afraid of people's judgments. I'm afraid of leaving people behind, of moving on. Afraid of change and any kind of natural disaster. I'm afraid of running my life into the ground. I'm afraid that I'm doing that now.
And I feel like I cannot be honest with anyone, because I don't want anyone to even know this insecure side of me. I want everyone to think that I have at least some of my life together.
Early I was tired of being depressed, now I'm tired of fighting.
But everyday I'll wake up and fight again.
It's either that or die.
And dying isn't an option for me.