I just feel. Gah. I don't know. What do I feel?
I feel judgments. I have this paranoia that everyone is judging and talking about me behind my back.
I work at a restaurant, and I love working there. But whenever someone is like talking and laughing with another person, my mind starts to reel. Is that me they're talking about? Did I mess up or say the wrong thing? Do they secretly hate me?
Irrational. But even though I know it's irrational, it hasn't gone away yet. They (meaning those in the psychological field) say you can diminish a thought once you stop feeding into it or once you start correcting yourself. But I guess it's harder than that. I feel like you have to really BELIEVE it. Okay for example:
Irrational thought: Everyone is talking behind my back and hates me.
Now, to extinguish it's power, this is what you tell yourself:
Fixed thought: People aren't talking about me, I'm a good worker and friend.
However, after I say the fixed thought, this is what my mind retorts back with:
Mind's Back Talk: Are you kidding yourself? You're in denial.
So, thus begins a difficult argument between rational and irrational minds. Although it's not one or the other. There both mixed.
I'm just going to just stick with the fixed thought, and keep telling myself it.