THE FILLING!

Hi hello. Happy Thanksgiving! Alright well, technically the day after thanksgiving cause it's like 2 in the morning here, but who's counting.  I'm not going to bore all maybe 12 of you (for seriousness, i keep following my own blog just to you know up my followers, and so now 3 of my followers are in fact, me.  and i follow all under this one account. cool) with what I am thankful for, and explanations.  Today my priest at the church said it best, to just be thankful for simply being. It says a lot.

So, if you're still reading, which probably is maybe 2, 2 and a half of you, I would like to know what are your body image insecurities? What do you like about yourself? What don't you like about yourself?

Thought I would give you some space to think it over.  It is a pretty intimidating question.  Some of you probably can rattle off the top of your head what you love and hate, all in one shot.  But you might be like me, and skip over that question.  Pretend it wasn't addressed to you, even though you're the only one that's reading it.  Seriously, I have the worst flight tendencies.  The flight part of the 'fight vs. flight' issue was probably made for me.  I have to work on it, I'm trying.  Instead of running away from the worry and anxiety a new situation presents itself with, I try to face it head on.  Let's just say that's a work in progress. But anywho, yes, I would definitely flight that question.

But today I'm here to fight it.  Okay let's see.  I'm first going to say that I'm a petite girl, only 5'1 and with like little bones.  People often mistake me for a 16 year old girl.  But the thing is, I have some tits (hopefully not offensive, I frequently like to yell "TITS!" when I screw up. Similar to how you would say, damn, or fuck.)  And I'm not like bone skinny.  I have some like cushion, maybe that's not the right word, but like baggage on my tummy, and on my sides, and on my thighs, and on my face.  I'd like to think of my self as a normal person just like tinier.  But those would be my dislikes, the extra baggage, I just wish I could cut it off.  I also don't like my nose, I don't think it fits in proportion to my face, and I don't like my skin. I have terrible skin.

On a positive note, I do like the general shape of my body. I think I have an attractive face, and maybe there's not too much baggage. And I really like my feet, my back up plan in like if this psychology thing doesn't work out is to become a foot model. I do like my body, for the most part, I just wish I was toned. Gotta work on that, helloooo jillian michaels..

But with all this food on this thanksgiving holiday, I can't help but to think about all the calories I had today.  I don't have an eating disorder, but I will say I have a touch of something.  I always mentally go over what kind of calories, but I don't starve or anything.  It's just like a constant diet, and guilty when I mess up.  Nothing too big.  I can also be a touch bulimic I supposed also, but that's usually when I'm upset and I literally feel the need to throw up my emotions.  I say to myself, but what woman DOESN'T have a touch of these things at one point in her life, and the answer is none. We all do, we're girls for crying out loud.  We care what people think, to some degree.  Some care too much, others hardly at all (oh how I envy you girls that can do this haha).  So right now I'm just not feeling the best, and I feel fat. I ate like seriously what has to be 50 pounds of filling haha.

And I know these pointless diary entries are so negative, but again I feel like I write when I'm down, or something's bugging me. But I'm trying to change that too.  (I don't know why I compulsively have to reiterate that this blog is like my diary, it's probably because I care what people think. actually, it is).

So let's write about something positive really quick about my day.  THE FILLING! It was delicious haha. On a more serious note though, it made me happy getting texts from the bunches of people wishing you a happy thanksgiving. It's nice to know you're being thought of.  And of course I love the family, I love being with my cousins and grandparents and relatives. It just makes me feel like other problems go away.

Well, I should probably get some sleep now.  Don't forget about the question of the day.  I have to wake up in like  7 hours, which is good.  But I probably won't sleep until like 4, because my stupid phone is like frozen. I accidentally dropped it in the very filling i keep going on and on about.  Haha so I'm going to smash it off the wall!

Love yous.  And I truly hope everyone had a good thanksgiving. - Jamiee.