Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I'm doing Reginald today

'The Boyfriend List' is one of my all-time favorite books.  It's about a girl who experiences panic attacks due to the 'debacle' of the past couple of months in which her boyfriend dumped her and got with her best friend, all her friends dumped her, and she became known as a famous slut even though she is still a virgin. It's definitely on the lighter side, and so hilarious. It puts a humorous spin on all kinds of ugly, and definitely relate-able.

The main character ends up going to therapy, and she calls her depressive days and therapy processes 'Reginald'.  So that's what I'm going to call it, too. Today, I'm doing Reginald. But I didn't write to try and convince you to read a book. I came because I have some claims to share with you.

So, I don't know about all of you, but I am a huge worrier (GAD) and even though I HATE IT, I care so much about what people think. Too much. And I know, I know, I shouldn't care. I'm aware of this. And people will constantly tell you to be yourself and to not care, and while they're saying all of this, they are leaving out one very important detail.Just how to do it.

Believe me, if I knew how to stop worrying about the thoughts of others, I would have done so long ago. I just don't know how. If any of you are lucky enough to be like this, how do you do it? Please haha share, how do you just go out and be yourself. I admire people like you, I just don't know how to put myself out there.

I just, blah blah blah. I don't know. This is the frustrating part, coming to terms with what I'm afraid of, then confronting the issue. Okay, I accept I worry about what people think. But now what do I do to change it. My therapist didn't get to that part when I asked him, he was busy asking me, "Now what is the worst thing that someone could think about you?" And going around in that circle-y thing therapists do. So I need you're help ladies and gentlemen. How do you guys do it lol I'm open to any tips.

This was an up and down post, symbolic of my up and down Tuesday. I love you guys <3 Jamie.


  1. I think it just takes practice. You have to learn just by trying it day by day. Do something small that might usually make you worry about what someone might think of you. It might be the tiniest task in the world, but it is one simple step. And it might be scary, it might be hard... but you will get better. And maybe eventually you can move on to bigger things that cause more worry.

    It's like working out.. You wouldn't go try to run a mile the first time out. You gotta work your way up to it day by day. Some days you do really good and run the whole thing, but then other days you get tired and can only do one lap. But that shouldn't stop you from recognizing your past accomplishments or trying again the next day. It is a day by day thing, a learned attitude. :)

    You can do it!

  2. I have the same problem, lady. Therefore I don't really have many tips. But, one thing I have learned is the more confident you become the more people like you. Still doesn't help with how you do it. I guess, something that sort of helped, was realizing that everyone is weird. Everyone. If you feel like you're doing something weird, think about how you would think of someone doing the same thing. You'd be surprised how weird everyone is when you think about it. Therefore.... it's normal to be weird! You're more normal than you think! {in a good way. you are also more fantastic than you think!}

  3. No matter how much anyone may deny, I believe that everyone wants to be accepted. So if you care for what others would say, I don't blame you. It's just that, we can try what we can to feel good at heart.

    Blasphemous Aesthete

  4. I love the Boyfriend List! I've read it sooo many times.

    I don't think it's possible to not care what people think. If someone says they don't I think they're just bluffing. There's no. way. they don't care about what SOMEONE says. Usually if I start stressing over it I try to tell myself they're probably gonna think whatever they want, and I probably can't change it. I just try to do things the way I want and not let what others may think affect me.

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  7. I think to a certain extent you will always worry a little what people think, even if you feel you're past that. I like to think that I don't, and for the most part, I really, really don't.
    But every now and then something happens in my life and it reminds me that I do care--in certain areas of my life and that's okay. It's human.

    It takes time, I would say, and life experience, as corny as that sounds. You know that song "Ooh la la" by The Faces (with Rod Stewart) that says, "I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger?" Oh my, is that ever true.

    It's totally normal to care about what others think, but if it drives you nuts and you want to get past it, the good news is it will pass if you want it to. The more you disconnect from the areas that make you insecure, or where you worry the most, like say your hometown, or connections with toxic friends, the more liberated you will feel. It can be hard to shed toxic friendships (and frankly I still have a few, but they are much more distant now), but once you do life gets easier.

    There isn't one easy answer, but I think as time passes, you will find that you care less and less what people think, and begin to shed the worries you used to have. You become less affected by things and your personality is more solidified, unapologetically (is that a word?). The last few years of college and those that follow will be life changing, which only means that now your personality is still growing and forming.

    Try to have no regrets, even with the biggest mistakes. Everything you experience is a lesson learned, even the toughest. You will be glad to have gone through them young than at a later time in your life when things can be more damaging.

    And your therapist was right--if you can narrow down what it is that worries you or what is the worst thing someone can think of you, you can deal with how to avoid it, or better yet, how to not care about it. Questions you can think about to get a better understanding of your worries are: Who are the people whose opinions you're worried about? Why do you care what they think? What make them so special? Why is that important in your life? How will that affect you in the long run? What are you life goals? (Random last question but it will overshadow the first ones.)

    If I were me, talking to me in high school or early college years, I would shake myself and say, "Why do you care??" But it's just not that easy, because you do care and you can't just turn the switch off. And yeah, it can be a waste of time later when you look back at things, but it's a part of who you are now, and who you are is great, so don't try to change too much. Just grow. :)

    Sorry for the ridiculously long answer. I hope it helps a little and didn't take you in circles, as your therapist did.

  8. Ok, now I want to read that book, it sounds so very interesting. And I can understand more than you think about the panic attacks and social anxiety. I think everyone cares to a degree about what people think - it's probably not something that can be turned off completely. Maybe, it's more about feeling confident in yourself and realizing that a lot of the people you interact with are probably thinking the exact same things you are and wondering what you think of them etc. I don't know if I can be too helpful on this subject, because this is something I'm working on myself right now; but I suppose it has something to do with realizing your own worth. From everything of yours I've read here, I find you to be a very wonderful and engaging person, as I'm sure do many bloggers here, so you are already well-liked for being yourself. Just remind yourself of this, every time that inner critic pops up :)