Snow, snow, snow. I truly love you, but you ruin my Saturday nights, well, half of it. I can't visit my friend because the roads are icy and covered, so that's out. BUT REDEMPTION! Now I'm going to my guy friends to party with a bunch of people, which should be fun. This kid I always hook up with is going to be there. It's weird, though. It's like were just not meant to be together.
We were never single at the same time, and then when we were, my other friend liked him and cried for days when I had hooked up with him at a party. In my defense, I was really drunk. But yeah, actually that's not much of a defense. So I don't know what's going to happen tonight, I'm optimistic. I feel like I belong with this crew of people, that they care.
I have been thinking so much today about what belonging means. I think it's where e you're accepted, people like you for you. They care about what you're doing, and they want to include you in their plans. Just hearing that makes me feel better, you know me, I over-analyze EVERYTHING. But tonight I feel like I won't have to. That's what I feel like a group of friends should be about, just being able to be comfortable.
It's everywhere else where I don't feel like I belong. I feel like I could if I could just get this damn guard down, it won't let up. I won't let up, I should say. I don't know what I'm afraid of.
Have you ever just been one on one with someone, having a good time, and then suddenly you become aware of yourself? You become aware of the situation, and suddenly you feel out of place. That happens to me a lot. I'll be laughing with one of my friends, then I'll just clam up. It's so weird. That's what I need to work on - never being aware. Because if you think about it, the times where your having the most fun, you're never analyzing yourself of thinking about your flaws. You just are. Being. Being and belonging. For some reason though, I always pull back, I begin to think what the other person is thinking. I'm trying to work on it, but it's so hard to not be aware when you are aware that you should not be aware. You know what I mean?
One of my favorite quotes is, "The day you start worrying about what people think is the day you stop living." It's 100% true. The new journey I'm taking on is to stop thinking, learning to completely be me and live in the moment.
So tell me bloggies, "Where do you belong?"
Sometimes I feel like I belong in the mental ward lol. But thanks to the last post, no more self-pity and loathing. So I belong here, in life, with everyone else. The anxiety is the tag-a-long, that of which can be overcome.
That was my self-encouragement segment haha. I will talk to you tomorrow, have a super sexii slamming smashing Saturday nyght. Love yous - xo Jay-Mee.
sometime i feel i belong on stage with a rock band or in a book store doing a book siging
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on often feeling like you clam up in certain conversations and feel like you don't belong. It does have a lot to do with that quote you posted as well, about caring too much what people think. Confident, outgoing people have told me that they don't tend to care about what people think in the moment, that they just do, and because they are able to exude this sense of purpose or determination in everything they do, people are automatically drawn to them and see them in this glorious light even when they act like complete idiots or have no idea what they're talking about. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm 20, have anxiety too...and I can relate to you a lot from what i've read. You are dealing with it so well. :)
ReplyDeletehaha I know exactly how you feel. I have a group of friends like that...I've been friends with them for 7+ years. I still find myself clamming up though. It is very weird.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea where I belong. No clue. That's a good question. For now I like belonging to myself, I live in my own little world.
Hope you had fun at the party:D
I totally agree with "Being is belonging". Thank you so much for stopping by my blog :)
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