From Broadway to Psychology to Waitressing

Remember how I was telling you all how I am a complete starstruck person when it comes to famous people? Well, listen to this one, it's another embarrassing account of me coming in contact with a celebrity haha. I was at the NBC studios yesterday, and who is there doing an interview but Kathie Lee Gifford! From Regis and Kathie Lee!! (that deserves a double exclamation point) So I had my camera out, hoping to get a picture. But then the rest happened so fast. She walked by me, and I completely froze. I mumbled 'Oh my gosh' and I just touched her jacket. Very lightly, she didn't even notice and she continued saying hi to everyone and smiling as she walked to wherever she was going.  At least I know I wasn't the only crazy person there, there was this one girl who had a sign and was screaming. So another encounter to write in the books lol, I really need to work on it.

Irrelevantly, I've been thinking about who I want to become. Or, where do I want to end up in life.  This question probably takes up the subconscious thinking of my brain 95% of the day. That's how it feels, anyway. I feel like I'm constantly thinking.  I tried talking about this with my dad the other day, and he was all like 'Jamie, I can relate. I'm not sure whether I want to switch pharmaceutical companies or not'. And while that's stressful, no doubt, it is not relate-able.  I wanted to shout back, 'At least you know what your doing with your life! At least you know that you are in sales and that's where you want to be.  At least you know who you are.'  I'm not saying he doesn't have hard times, too, but it just made me mad. I don't even know what I'm doing 6 months or where I'll even be after this summer. I was annoyed.

Some days I want to live in the city and wish I could be a Broadway star.  Then, it changes to me being a successful psychologist with a published book. Other days, I'm a make-up artist in a salon, doing fancy eyes with glitter. Then, I'm a nurse, always comforting. Flash again to a stay-at-home mom, with 3 children playing in our home out in the country side. The next day, that same picture perfect family but living in the hustle and bustle of a big town, and then back to a small one. Another hour and then I yearn to be a waitress with a group of tight girlfriends, going home to a husband trying to pay the bills paycheck-to-paycheck. It always changes.

And that's just a long term future, what I envision in ten years. I could write a book on what I can see myself or wish I can do until the next semester. And although I know the thought shouldn't worry me, I'm supposed to not know yet, it does. It stresses me out so much, and I can't help yearning to know what I want to truly do.  Again, it's my never ending quest. And yes, I know I'm being silly. I believe I have this outside ability to be able to look at myself and say 'Jamie, your being ridiculous sometimes.' But that just doesn't seem to change the way I feel. Tell me, bloggies, What do you see yourself being?

So now my thing is going to stop feeling sorry for myself. Self-pity is a terrible crutch that I have. Self-pity and self-loathing.  I'm not the most encouraging of myself. But now I want to try and change that. It's time to learn to be not only positive about the future, but myself included. I don't know why but this makes me anxious, just throwing that out there lol, I can feel it in my chest.

Irrelevantly again, it's snowing here, and that's why I home early from my friend's house.  Of course, we had to watch Jersey Shore.  So much drama just in the first episode, but I loved it haha. But there's one thing I don't get.  Everyone builds up the 'C-word', or cunt, to be such a big deal.  Like why is there so much power behind that one word? Deena called Sami it, and I was like so what? No one cared when people were throwing around 'hateful slut' or 'trashy bitch'.  Granted it's still not a nice thing to say, but where is the power coming from? What's so different from 'cunt' from 'vagina' or 'pussy'? (Excuse my words lol) What makes that so offensive compared to other vulgar terms, you know?

The Situation did crack me up tonight, like seriously how could you not like the guy haha. But now I'm going to wait and see if some sort of 'real housewives' is coming on next on Bravo, great shows. Goodnight loves, hope your day was lovely. Talk to you tomorrow <3 xoxo Jamie.