I know it's a little early, but I've been thinking a lot about new year's resolutions. Maybe that's not even what it is, maybe it's just that I'm trying to figure out what I want. That seems to be what everything in my life revolves around right now, that simple question - "What do you want?" That's what this blog should be called, the quest to find out what I want.
Cause I don't know, not at all. Not in the slightest. I'm in such a fog of indecisiveness and doubt that I feel like I can't see clearly. Today I spent all day with my best friend, who probably is the person I admire the most. She wants to be work in fashion in New York, and no matter what she never let's anything discourage her. She has the most amazing, bubbly personality that is so contagious. She flies by the seat of her pants, taking whatever opportunity comes her way. And I love her for that, she makes me want to motivate myself.
I was also reading the book "Smile for the Camera" earlier this afternoon, and some just before. It's a memoir of this model who at 16, moved to New York to become a model. In the story, she always flashes back to her abusive father, and even though she has a lot of hardships, she becomes successful. I admire her, too, she has the strength to never look back. That's such an important quality to have.
2 things that I pondered most today - The first being that I believe all great actresses/musicians/models/anyone famous all have gone through some kind of trauma in their life. You here about these people who were poor growing up, or were homeless at one time, who ran away from home, or some kind of abuse/drug addict parent. This is where a lot of people got their strength from.
The other thought I pondered is that I wish I could just be thrown in New York, just for a year and see how I'd survive. The thought of being alone and in a huge place like that already has me anxious. But then again, I feel like it's a test of strength. No matter how stressed you'd be, you have no decision but to keep on living. You have to, and that's a lot like real life, too.
I have no idea what this pointless blog post was all about, I'm just so confused. And tired, and I'm waiting for the eclipse. The moon has been so bright these past couple of nights, and it lights up everything. I love it, cold December. Busy day tomorrow, I'll write then. With some real thoughts haha, I'm sure of it. Goodnight, loves.