Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Hope is like a Flower

So hope. I was thinking a lot about hope today, and it's most likely due to the fact that I have encountered such a pleasent emotion today. And in this sense, hope is not a question. Hope is not a longing, it is not what will lead me into despair. Rather, hope today for me was a rock. It was a solid conclusion, a literal shining light in my day.

I'm trying to figure out what hope feels like for me, what analogy I could share with you. Imagine flowers, a field of flowers. These flowers are in my chest, and it feels like they're blowing in the wind. It's a light breeze, though. It's either sunset or sunrise, that time of day when the sky is almost pink. You can see every color. And the weather is warm, with a little chill in the air at the same time. It's so peaceful. It's what of has yet to come. It's the future. And when this wind inside me blows, I can feel it in my arms, and more importantly in my heart.

To be honest, I don't feel these good emotions all so often.  It's usually at random periods throughout the day, and they never last long. I don't especially like to point them out, because when I do, I feel as if they slip away faster. The few and far between emotions - hope, patience, a euphoric yearn. Glimpses of satisfaction for only a second. And then they drift away. So I'll hold onto them all. I'll shut my eyes really tight and try to remember everything about the moment that I've felt these feelings in, and how exactly they made me feel. I remember during the summer I had done this, I was just going to a mall, but I felt uncharacteristcally confidant. I usually am not enthused going places so mundane where I could run into someone I know.  But this time, I wanted to see somebody. I wanted to be seen, I felt like I was on top of the world. I held my head higher. There was an obvious comfort in my smile and step. And whenever I'm feeling bad about myself or nervous - I try to channel this day. It was so run-of-the-mill, but that's exactly how confidence should be. It should show in our everyday actions and not only limited to perfomance.

I will grasp my fists so tight - trying to savor every ounce of gratitude out of this hope I'm feeling. I know it won't last forever, no emotion does, except for love.  So I am thankful for today that single moment, because then everything was okay that time. Everything was going to be alright, I just need to keep this attitude going.

Hi lovelies. It's almost 4 in the morning, and I wanted to right this down. I wanted to remember, and now so I will. And now it's shared with all of you. I don't know why I'm still awake at this point, I'm just not that tired. I want to watch the sunrise, it's probably so beautiful in December. But I know I won't make it that long. I have to get up in like 4-5 hours to get ready, and then do my cousins hair and makeup for her prom. Yes, your probably wondering why it will take me so long to do it when the prom isn't until 7 at night. But I want it to be perfect, I don't want it to be rushed. There's nothing I dispise more than trying to do something perfect while someone telling me to hurry up. And I love to fool around with make-up, I'm such a girl. Today I wondered what I looked like with no lips, so I applied concealer and foundation to my lips to make them disappear. I looked sickly, or like a cavewoman. I'll have to do it again and take a picture haha.

So goodnight, sweet dreams. <3 Jamie.


  1. Nice text, Jamie... I read it with great interest, indeed fascination. Your words are precise, delicate, and taking. Congrats on your nice blog. All the best for you.

    Carol P. Melinda Theartbrazil (feel so welcome whenever you can, want, have patience and mood to come over to my space, right? - Cheers!!!)

  2. I believe that feeling also has to do with appreciation. Accepting that life is not perfect so when you have those feelings of a perfect day you can truly appreciate it.

  3. What a beautiful word to post about - hope - especially given the holiday spirit. Hold on to this feeling, remember it, I know that it will guide you to sunshine on cloudy, rainy days. There is nothing more beautiful than the sunshine we create with our minds, so, to find you treasuring such a feeling, well that is wonderful to see and fills me with great optimism. :)

  4. Wonderful post. Someone once told me something that I've never forget; "Man can live about forty days without food, three days without water, eight minute without air, and only one second without hope."

  5. Lovely post. Hope does so mcuh for the world.

  6. Beautiful words. Thanks for stopping by my blog today- you're so sweet!

  7. Love your analogy :)
    "It was a solid conclusion, a literal shining light in my day." -This. This is what hope feels like to me when it comes along randomly.

    I don't feel good emotions like that either very often, it always comes at random times, then an hour later I can be so depressed. It so weird:( and makes me realize even more something isn't right.

    I hate being rushed also!! I start getting ready for work & stuff so early just so a can take my time. Hope you have fun doing your cousin's make up for her prom:) I love doing make up!