Having a a little blossom of anxiety budding itself write now. And instead of ignoring it (which I usually do, or I try to put it out of my mind), I'm deciding to bring it out here into the open. I just haven't found out which method is more successful yet - just pushing things out of your mind, like saying to yourself 'stop worrying, enough is enough' or to address the issue and try and move on. I'm sure it's the latter, therapists ALWAYS tell you to reach inside you and pull out your inner thoughts. Better to bring things to surface, right?
So tonight while we were hanging out, one of my guy friends was telling me to go ask this one kid sitting next to our group of friends for his number. He was in the next row of tables over, and I couldn't see him, so I was like guys shut up. But they kept persisting me so I just got up to turn around to look at the guy. And it was actually really sad - he was sitting alone and he was kind of goth but not like hardcore (earrings, black clothes). Is this judgmental? I don't know, but that's how I perceived him. But I got the feeling like he knew we were talking about him. And I just felt like a bitch for even standing up. I worried just so much that I had hurt this kids feelings. So then I left awhile after, and I saw this car in the back of the parking lot with their headlights on, and I just for some reason thought it was the kid (I actually have no idea if it was or not, I don't think it was though) But I just became really anxious.
As I drove home I just kept thinking someone was in my backseat of my car, so I kept turning around and feeling around. Don't you just hate that? I compulsively believe there is something in my car, especially around my feet. This just all made me anxious, and now I'm in the process of trying to shake it. So after this I'm going to accept that I'm anxious, and then go watch something that'll make me laugh (that's my personal technique - accept feelings, and then move on to laughter).
But what really got me was that kid. Sometimes I don't realize how little of an action can really affect someone. It's true what they realize that smiles go a long way. Think of how happy you'd be if someone just smiled at you instead of giving you an emotionless look or even a glare. When I'm on my period, even when someone says 'Have a nice day' I almost burst into tears. So I'm making my goal to try to just in general smile more at people, try to make them have a good day (I hope I don't give like a creepy smile though, cause that would probably make them anxious lol and the situation would be a fail). I want to brighten someones day instead of making people feel insecure. Maybe that kid next to us didn't even hear a word we said, or he thought nothing of the whole situation. But I did, and it made me realize all of this. Don't be a bitch and stare, it's rude. Especially to a stranger, they did nothing wrong to you. So like I said before, it's time to throw on some smiles. Think of how happier the world would be if we all smiled more (cliche! but so true). Happiness is a chain reaction, and it's our job to be it's links.
Coming down of this anxiety wave that I'm riding (well, I hope), time to surf into some sweatpants (jamie, you are not funny). I love being cozy, I love coming home from being out and changing into sweats and my snuggie <3 Yes, I have a snuggie, it's pink and the children's size because I stand at a whopping 5'1. Maybe I shouldn't have admitted that haha. But yes, I'm a shawty. See how sexy it becomes when I put it like that? WIN!
Goodnight, lovelies. <3 Jamieee.