Hello my little bloggies. My condolences to those who were excruciatingly, practically PINING for a post yesterday. Unfortunately I pulled an all-nighter doing a sociology report. It look me about 8 hours, but me, being the procrastinating bitch that I am, started at 10 at night. But how could I start any earlier, I mean freaking home alone 2 was on! The funniest Christmas movie ever. (However, I will admit that I did cry when Kevin and his mom reunited at the Rockefeller Christmas tree. That music always gets me. And the bird woman! Cry, cry)
So remember about a week ago I was talking about what I referred to as 'Brain Fog'? Well it turns out it actually exists. I did my research today after feeling just extremely in the fog today. Brain fog, according to a website (how reliable right? but no seriously..), is feelings of mental confusion or lack of mental clarity. I can describe my personal brain fog to you as if you stayed up all night at a party or a sleepover. And then you're still awake and it's like 7 a.m. the next morning. It's that feeling as if you're kind of in a dream. Or I can compare it to waking up from a nap that left you feeling the opposite of refreshed, in other words, when you could sleep about for 4 more hours. I'm sure many of you can relate, and as the website states, it's very common.
I just can seem to shake off the fog though. I continued reading on the multiple causes of this brain fog. Well, one is due to a candida overgrowth, or other words, yeast infection (Yikes!) But i don't think that's the cause from me. On a side note though, did you ever have a yeast infection? Those things are a bitch. I had one last year after I came home from Christmas break, and it was a deezy. I went to my gyno who did this pelvis test where they shoved this plastic thing that was the size of a pickle jar up my vagina. I seriously could've cried. And my gyno the whole time was like, 'So how's school?' And my voice was so high pitched I sounded like a little girl as I answered in such a tight voice, 'It's great, HOW MUCH LONGER ARE YOU GOING TO LEAVE THAT IN THERE FOR?' Did you ever go to the gyno and while their putting their hands and miscellaneous tools, which are always freezing I might add, inside of you and yet they try to carry on a normal conversation. They talk to you as if you sitting down for lunch rather than them touching your ovaries. It's never a pleasant experience, never.
Anyway, sorry I felt the need to start a new paragraph in continuing with the brain fog. I don't think the yeast infection is to blame, nor the other medical conditions/metal poisonings/lack of sleep. I think it was the stress that they mentioned. If not all of you know, I have generalized anxiety disorder, which means I just worry all of the time. That's putting it lightly, though. (But the GAD i'm not going to talk about right now, back to the fogginess). I've just been worried so much about the future lately, where I'm going to be in a year and where I'm going to be in 5 years. I worry all the time about in general if my life will ever work out the way I want it too. And I think to help myself cope from all this worrying and stress, my brain kind of put this fog over me. In this way, it kind of eases the worry a little bit. It's almost a distraction, making me feel hazy. Sometimes I kind of feel high almost.
Earlier today I welcomed the fog, but now I just want me to be back. I want to face all of this mess, I can't run away from my problems. It's making me so stressed out from this fog too (ironic), I keep shaking my head to get the clarity back, but I still don't feel myself. And I just feel so fatigued, so tired all the time. You might say this is because I stayed up til like 5 doing the paper, but I slept until 12 the next day (sorry bio lecture, had to sleep through you. 9 am was wayyy to early). So right now my current condition is just blah, and if i try to get rid of the blah, anxiety returns. What a vicious cycle.
So my question of the day to you people is if you were having a brain fog, what do you think you're mind was shielding you from? what stress is it trying to protect you against? I'd like to hear you're answers. Did any of you ever have a brain fog?
I'm a positive person though, or at least I try to be. So let's get to the gratitude diary, Hit It -
1) Honey Bunches of Oats - it's so tasty, and low calorie.
2) Big Jane - My one aunt. She is absolutely hilarious. I was at viewing today, and she showed up and just made me laugh. I love people with big personalities and people who don't care what other people think.
3) The Miracle on 34th Street - One of my favorite Christmas Movies. So cute, and put me more in the Christmas Spirit. Ho, ho, ho.
Until tomorrow. I'm going to try and go to bed a little earlier tonight (so about 2 am) so maybe this fog will disappear. I just got hit with a song - I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW THE RAIN IS GONE, I CAN SEE ALL OBSTACLES IN MY WAY! I'm not even sure if those are the right words, but hopefully tomorrow I will be singing that song. Goodnight Chocolate Chip Cookies! <3 Jamieee.